Within the Paradigm of Consumerism, is it Possible to Love Yourself?

When in moments of despair, I've been told by YouTube gurus to simply "love yourself."

Is that a trick? A marketing gimmick to make me feel better about the dismalness of modern existence?

In the past I'd say, yes, it is a trick, and a good one at that. How can someone love themselves anyways? Isn't that some kind of ploy to get me to buy a 10-step positvity mantra program?

I see it everywhere. Well-meaning social media figure heads giving me all sorts of advice about life, and how I can simply think better and be better.

Is happiness that simple? Is self-love as easy as they say it is?

I was self-aware from a very young age about how the world worked, and because of that saw through the veneer of identity that we all wear. We live in a society based on competition, thus, everything is a game. We are always competing with each other for some sort of leverage of resource acquisition, and because of this, our relationships with those we love and the world at large are tainted by the stench of commodification of everything. Its not always true, but it is true often enough.

I get it, money is the root of life, and without it, you'll be homeless. I've been on that edge before, and it is a very unpleasant place to be. Most of us are a few bad choices or catastrophic health conditions away from irreversible poverty. It's scary.

So then, if the world is an endless monetarily driven algorithm of bullshit, can we be happy?

Maybe.

The conditions we find ourselves in aren't much different than centuries before (except the AI thing is definitely a new wildcard). But human behaviors have brought us back and forth between despair and good times over and over again. Can someone be happy while bombs are being dropped on their heads? Can someone be miserable while they order Door Dash and Amazon ?

The happiness and self-love of modern times is often just another face of consumerism. 

BUY THIS PROGRAM AND YOU'LL FINALLY BE HAPPY.

But, happiness and self-love aren't things that just happen because you've read some books or taken courses or gone to a Zen Buddhist temple (honestly, Zen temple's are badass).

Happiness isn't meant to be a steady state. Just as sadness isn't meant to be the only emotion.

We've been duped to think that if we can maintain a certain level of elation long enough, that that feeling will never cease. That if we can only find that place of self-worth and bask in it long enough, then maybe the sad times won't come.

I heard a Shaolin monk talk about how once you've mastered yourself you may never feel joy again, and that hit me between my temples pretty hard. Maybe I've warbled between sadness and ecstasy so much in my life because I was scared of that weird space of the Middle Path -- that place where you become neutral.  

That place where sadness and elation aren't things that stick around too long, but are feelings that ebb and flow through you just like your breath does. Just as you blink without thinking, your emotional states don't get stuck in you and "become you", but rather move through you.

In all honesty, I've read far too many "self-mastery" books from all sorts of authors in the quest to become the best version of myself and ultimately find happiness and self love. 

I know it's possible to love thyself. I know it is possible to live a fulfilled life. Yet, I find myself in these austere spaces where a type of apathy takes over. It's not quite nihilism, but not really absurdism. Maybe I've found a sort of utilitarian solitude.

Maybe, its simply is seeing the world as it is yet hoping for it to be something better. I see that we are slowly destroying the planet through our negligence and greed, yet, I live in a world where its almost impossible to live without participating in this consumeristic madness.

 So how can one just be happy when you realize that every decision you make will ultimately lead to lining the pockets of a billionaire that gives zero fucks about sustainability or morality?

Perhaps then, loving yourself is a rebellious act. Maybe, being at peace no matter the circumstance, is in direct defiance to what we are being conditioned to be. We must buy the newest flashest product, because without it, we are not complete. 

Is self-love an act of defiance in a world that is in direct conflict with such a thing?