"Consensual Reality" is a gimmick used to invalidate neurodivergent experiences

 

In 2017 I moved out of my home county (and state!) for the first time in my life. I jumped from the middle of a cornfield in Ohio to living six miles from the White House.

Even though I’d call myself a “redneck”, I was a well-read one at that. I spent most of my childhood buried in books and National Geographic magazines, so of course I was invigorated about living miles from a seemingly infinite amount of cultural and scientific delights.

Life was fucking good.

I also joined a yoga and rock climbing gym.

I was within walking distance of Starbucks.

There were hiking paths and parks to be discovered everywhere.

I was within driving distance of the Atlantic Ocean?

Life was damn good.

Did I make any friends? Kind of? I had casual conversations with fellow yoga enthusiasts after class. I “got to know” the people that made my delectable coffees. I went on random camping trips to go bouldering with fast-friends from the rock climbing gym (which I would later discover is rather normal).

But during those years I discovered something else about myself:

I liked being alone.

I’m sure my mother would laugh, “It took you 30 years to figure that out?”

I was never self-aware of it. I knew I liked to read and spend time in nature solo, but I never equated that to a preference for it, I likened it to how one prefers spearmint gum over peppermint gum.

But, plot twist, most humans don’t like being alone, let alone prefer it.

Even my times at packed gyms were spent with earbuds in and eyeballs down. I wanted to be in the public, but not part of the public. I met some others like me here and there but as true introverts know, maintaining relationships with other people that like spending time alone may be The Greatest Human Conundrum. How does an introvert maintain social bonds with other introverts without monumental effort?

You don’t.

I became affluent in ordering home delivery of Whole Foods and Aldi. I knew exactly what times were the least busy, so I went out and about during those slices in between the bedlam commuting hours. I honed my craft, and spent most of my days banging away on this keyboard, spilling my inner-worlds from the cob-webbed corners of my brain onto the page.

I was happy enough. I missed my family, but long weekends and road trips back "home" made that pain lessen. I was living life on my own terms for the first time in my adult life.

The problem was [is?] I wasn’t participating in Consensual Reality properly. In fact, in my 30’s I discovered I have never been a good participant, and quickly realized my propensity for many things (craving solitude, an insatiable thirst for books, living in fictional worlds in my headspace, talking to animals like people, aversions to food based on texture, making “lists of my favorite words”, abhorring authority and social conventions, etc) were all symptoms of an insidious problem.

I am neurodivergent.

To what extent? I do not know. I refuse to pay someone to get the “name brand” label put upon me since I’ve made it this far into life without one. Instead I have accepted that I have diverged enough from the mainstream narrative of “the way one ought-to-be” that I’d rather not waste my money nor time convincing someone that I am indeed, “different”.

Instead, I will continue to live in a space I have coined Actuality.

How is this space different than the bullshit soup some pysch-docs coined Consensual Reality?

Firstly, reality is a multi-layered, infinitely morphing maelstrom. To say that in order to be “normal” one must adhere to a static definition of said normalcy is to invalidate not only non-typical experiences, but also those of allistics. To say that there is even a Standard American Normalcy is a wild accusation, and any member of Gen Z will gladly remind you that it’s all a well curated farce.

Those things that are meant to be The Pillars of Normalcy, barely apply anymore. Once upon a time we (the royal American we) determined that if we used demographic statistics and sociological averages of human behaviors we can arrive at something coined Normal. No one actually meets this criteria because it’s an imaginary person, the little “i” people like to use when they don't really know what the fuck they are talking about. Which is okay. The basis of reality is based on physics, and physicists will be the first to admit they aren't omniscient. 

Little i is tantamount to Consensual Reality, for Consensual Reality isn’t about Actuality it’s about Perception. In order for “other” categories to be coined, one must first establish a baseline of “rightness”. In order for one to be obese, we must first determine who is not — what arbitrary benchmark needs to be set in order for one to be on either side of it?

And how is this achieved in an unbiased way?

We use averages. We use bell-curves and projections and population level studies. We create summaries and round up decimal points to achieve a fictitious metric of Normal.

These are the very same tactics which have been used to label those of us that deviate from the ideals of the majority. We are pooled into an imaginary bracket where definitions are then hurled upon us. Anti-social. Socially-awkward. Booksmart. Academic-minded. Rude. Introverted. Difficulty in expressing emotion. Inability to work in groups.

The actual truth is, the general population has been brainwashed into participating and perpetuating a socio-economic system that is based on malevolent and subversive behaviors (generally for profit or social status), and therefore those of us that tend to think more logically, have an impossible time understanding this:

why would I want to contribute to a group initiative in which the end goal isn’t improvement of measurable outcomes for all, but rather, reinforcement of further hierarchical stratification?

Why the fuck would I support your cause, if all you are doing is perpetuating binary-thinking (fuck them, we are the best!), when this consensus is entirely based upon a faulty perception of reality?

We can all agree on the basics of shared reality. I must breathe to live. I must eventually eat or perish. Three days without water and I’m a goner. I need clothes in certain environments or I will burn or freeze to death. It’s best if I can have a consistent place to sleep and shelter myself. Violent and oppressive behavior isn’t cool. If I jump from a cliff without a parachute or squirrel suit I will most likely become red mist.

These things make up the backbone of Actuality — beyond that is truly up to debate. The statistical averages and bullshit norms are in fact opinions. Opinions do not confer reality, they simply describe aspects of the experience of reality.

I like to take solo walks in graveyards. They are quiet places, usually have lots of big trees, there are birds and other wildlife too. I also get to time travel as I read the headstones of people I’ve never met and wonder what their lives were like. Sometimes I even sit in a nice grassy tuft and meditate beneath a tree or by a headstone where the name has been lost to the erosion of time. But, is it taboo to visit graveyards for fun? Is graveyard walking outside of the “norms” of society?

Absofucklutely. 

I also like to go out to eat alone. When I was working at a warehouse and I had Monday's off, I'd go to the local Applebee's and get myself a sirloin dinner by myself and it was glorious. No one to entertain. No one to make small talk with. It was just me, my food and my thoughts. It was glorious. Yet when my co-workers asked what I did with my time off, I'd appear an outright psychopath if I said:

"I spent about half of my time reading a fantasy novel, the other 25% percent writing, and the final 25% thinking about reading or writing."

As a terrible participant of Consensual Reality, I would like to re-frame this concept as Compulsory Reality. If you are not a willing participant, you will be compelled to become one whether you consent or not. As the Majority is the demographic that determines your Abnormalcy.