Once You Dream Too Much, You Can Never Achieve Enough

As an insatiable reader, I have an equally ravenous appetite for knowledge. This thirst has been worsened by social media, and I find myself at times plunging into rabbit holes that were best left unexplored. As a person that generally has no political affiliation beyond, "live and let live," I am often dangerously opinionated on topics to the contrary of both the Red and Blue American political parties. We have been conditioned for binary thinking, and for those of us that do not adhere to this ploy, we are often hated by all.

While information can lead to freedom, it can equally lead to mania. There are infinite corridors these days for us to get lost in, chasing AI generated ghosts and corroborated tactical misinformation until we forget what we were even mad about to begin with. Who should I trust? 

If, you must trust anyone, do it with due diligence and skepticism. While there are things that will always remain true (I must breathe air, or perish), those universal truths can quickly erode if we are not vigilante in asking questions to those in authority, and holding them accountable to the newest "truth".

That is where the crux of the ascent can turn into a free fall. Some of us have seen into this  Realm of Ambiguity and have left it mostly unharmed, but refuse to ever visit it again. Some of us are destined to climb that mountain many times, to meet that crux again and again and never make it past. And fewer still will make the full send, finally making it past the part of the journey that everyone thought was impassable. But, maybe its because you didn't follow everyone else's beta, and you broke from convention. Sometimes the path to "enlightenment" is just knowing how to wade through everyone else's bullshit.

This is the danger of curiosity. It can become so utterly intoxicating and maddening, that no matter how many times you fail, you have an indefatigable determination that doesn't care. Rock climbing is the perfect example of this--you want to solve the vertical puzzle with your body, but in order to do so, you will fall many times, and you may never solve it before the route-setters remove it and make a new route. So what if you lose? So what if you fall again and again? Who cares? I'm not here to win anything, I am here to persevere. I am here to experience, explore, implore and learn.

And this ability to push onward, no matter the circumstance, is not quite a natural inclination, it is one that is wrought in severe places. In my case, its a relic from childhood trauma, where I was forced to survive, and through protecting my younger siblings, I acquired perseverance sometimes beyond this mortal coil. I should have died many times, but I couldn't allow it. My death would have meant I could no longer protect the people and ideas I held dear, so even death must wait a little longer, until I was sure that those people and ideas were safe.

Persistence is a dangerous ability, especially when it is tied to a goal or dream, for not only can you do things that others can't fathom, but you can imagine terrible and beautiful tomorrows.

And sometimes that speculation will strike terror into those around you. You don't quite see the world as it is; but you can see the patterns and dream it into being different. And that sort of perception is a most wonderful curse because once the imagination is engaged in a pursuit, only your last breath will keep you from reaching that goal.