The Loudest Words Left Unsaid

There teetering upon an edge

that I cannot quite see,

sits an opportunity.

Its plainly hidden.

Written in a sort of cursive script

that only someone born

in the 1900's can read.

I squint into it,

deciphering the pieces of me

that were written in haste

for you. 

Parts of me afraid

of what an ambiguous moment might mean,

so I quickly rushed through it.

It can't mean what I think it does, 

for what utter insanity would that be?  

I must settle in between things,

not quite here, not quite there.

Lingering in a messy middle,

unrefined and undefined

words with massive implications

passed between us.

Mine on pen and paper and keyboard

yours pouring from

your unbridled mouth.

Say what you mean, is what I meant to say.

I want you to say the thing you mean to be. 

I want to know what you mean to me. 

Hesitation in the deliberation,

as if something said by someone

else is what you wanted left unsaid. 

"You deserve a good woman," came from a stranger's lips

and you only hesitated, as if the partner you had

may not quite be in the "good enough" category, but perhaps I was. 

I wait. And breathe. And hold my breath.

Your pause contained past lifetimes, and futures yet dreamt.

Where maybe we met and mingled

but never made it into anything serious.

But now we are here, and its no less complex. 

What could it mean, if you and me

were more than just the static electricity

sizzling between our hearts

and across texts sent and rewritten and unsent?

Disastrous hesitation in everything,

because I don't want to fuck up

whatever this glorious maelstrom is.

Do you know what you are to me?

Do you know what I am for you?

We have become a marvelous miscontruance.   

Is there a way to untangle

from something that was unintentional?

Can you unravel from me or will I unravel you?

Maybe we are both doomed,

to a sort of liminality.

Everything left unsaid

becoming the loudest words

I've never heard.